somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
