I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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