Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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