i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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