In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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