i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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