so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
