I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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