I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
