There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize