If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
