shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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