So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
