I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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