So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
