you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
