I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
