Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
