The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
