I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
