so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
