people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
