Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
