I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
where does the pee come out of this thing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize