Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
