Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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