Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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