I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
