everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
