If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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