I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
