i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
