I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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