im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
