I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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