I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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