I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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