Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
