So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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