I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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