i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
