Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize