I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
