i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
