Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
