Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize