just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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