I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
