But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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