Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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