I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
