The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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