He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
