i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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