I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have aggressive nipples.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
