hotel room ftw
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
