i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
