he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize