u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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