I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
