there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize