Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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