I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
