I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
