It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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