In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
