very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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