dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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