the condom got lost in my hair
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
