Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
