Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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