wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
