Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
