these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
