You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize