Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
