I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
