I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
