I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
