It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
