The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
