Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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