stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize