I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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