This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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