whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
