Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I believe in your delicious
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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