We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
