Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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