the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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