this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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