my mouth tastes like poor choices
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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