No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
