There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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