You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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