Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize