Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
