As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
