i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
