And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
