i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize