I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
