Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
