This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
