Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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