I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
