shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
