I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
