I am puke
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
