He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize