A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
