Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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