Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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